The Mummie-Diaries 1.4
Just some thoughts at 22 weeks pregnant - What I’m doing, what I’m not doing & what I should be doing more of…
The second time around I am getting bigger much quicker. I remember when I was pregnant with my first, I was rushing into London a few times a week, desperately trying to see and meet all clients and suppliers, contacts and team members before I would most probably be off the radar for a few weeks (months?).
I am still off the radar and it’s been over two years, so I’m glad I worked so hard to see and be seen when I did - I was also manically trying to hide the fact that I was pregnant.
My cotton shirts and loose trousers barely showed a bump at 30 weeks, and a smocked dress and blazer would hide my pregnancy from the work world entirely.
I often think back and wonder why I did that, why I felt I would be taken less seriously in business and work if people knew I was pregnant. Would clients stop contacting me, because they think they are giving me ‘space’ to nest and rest and be pregnant? Would suppliers no longer consider me when showcasing brand new product, or offering limited pieces, tickets, spaces to their most loyal contacts? The list really goes on, and my mind was spinning with anxiety. God forbid I reveal my desire to be both a woman in business, highly organised and available to work when needed, and also to be a mother and a home maker. Is it not possible to have both a tough side for trade and a softer, gentler one for nursing and picking out floral fitted cot sheets?
Before I had children of my own I am ashamed to admit that when a female colleague ‘went down’ vanishing for a bit to have a baby, I silently crossed them out in my mind as no longer relevant, no longer a competitor perhaps? (The image of Janis Ian crossing out ‘hot body’ with a white piece of chalk on a squeaky blackboard comes to mind here...) Was it my own ignorance that made me afraid that more women thought the same way I so shamefully did?
Perhaps it was fear of the unknown for me. Motherhood was never something I craved, until I did, and it happened so quickly and suddenly. I could never fully understand the desire to purely be a mother, and my 26 year old self looked down on those of my age that chose that particular route much earlier than I did. How I ever believed that choosing motherhood was the ‘easy option’ the ‘easy way out’, is beyond me and I could not have been more wrong.
This time around I have been much more open with my pregnancy, although still not the type of person who documents life on social media, I’ve openly let clients, friends and suppliers know from the start of my second trimester- because why not?
And as it turns out, so many colleagues are also pregnant at the same time, and clients share experiences that they have had or are going through, which creates such a special bond and community, that not much else actually can.
Instead of running into London weekly, I have not actually seen the city for months, and instead am spending as much time as possible with my daughter at home in the Cotswolds, settling her into nursery, potty training and just being a girl-duo- which I’m starting to miss already, although I know it can only get better with a little brother en route.
They say your heart grows and you have more love to give when your second child is born, but at the moment it aches just thinking about how much I love my first - and those thoughts seem to occupy my mind more so than the latest Spring Summer Bottega collection (which is good btw).
I am trying to move again, after a very tiring and incredibly nauseating first trimester, and then a slipped disc in my back and a week-long hospital stay earlier this month.
Reform pilates sounds like a good idea, but I am yet to properly get into a routine of going to classes, and find myself redecorating the baby room, ordering artwork, rocking chairs (a cute rocking sheep from Pottery Barn Kids actually), and neutral cashmere onesies (because all of my existing baby clothes are pink and frilly, and I’m not sure my baby boy would appreciate being dressed in his sisters girlie vests and socks).
I am focusing on strength and back health, to avoid that debilitating pain later down the line (especially because there is no rest with a toddler, even when you’re about to go into hospital to have a second baby). Frequent massages and magnesium rubs have been my saviour since returning back from hospital, and I’m trying to eat as many vegetables as possible to fuel me from the inside out. I’m cooking soups and pies instead of having a double cheeseburger with a side of mac and cheese from Soho House every day, and am loving adding electrolytes to my water every morning.
This pregnancy has me craving fish and savoury salads, whilst with my first I was devouring a slice of chocolate fondant cake with a side of hot chocolate and a bar of Tonies chocolate every single day for months. (I also put on over 30kg lol).
Every pregnancy is different, and my priorities have most certainly changed the second time around. As I step into this new chapter of life, I am fully embracing the shift that is to come, ready for it this time.
I may not know how to navigate life as a founder and woman in business with two children yet, but I feel like I have a much better understanding than I did before.
My back pain is now only dull and occasional, my nausea has faded almost entirely, my energy levels are slightly up and I dare start shopping for bump-friendly winter wear, which is giving me a lot to look forward to (along with everything else of course).